holding back

I hold back a lot. What am I scaring?

My Attitude's Changed

It really upsets me being so lazy on the pages… hard to stick in English journals, but I truly don’t want it sink into Kane’s prediction – you’ll write in Chinese one day. That English journals are too much for us. I don’t exactly know what it’s about, but maybe this prediction has already become coercion. Just wanna stick in it. I’d even rather to leave the spaces for such long while than disturb its pattern.

Life stays still. There’s nothing special around me, or if there has to be something, it must be my attitude.

“How about being a volunteer?”

I’ve always being compassionate, too compassionate that it sometimes makes me feel bad about others’ treatments. But it was only to the nature, to any creature with the exception of human. The more the nature suffers, the more I dislike human being. The process was as natural as the moon wanes and waxes. Just can’t believe this attitude changes during this vocation! I used to mock Apple’s being enthusiastic on volunteering helping others, going to the orphanages something. I used to think all these have nothing to do with me, that they suffer what they deserve. However the whole thing diverts! For going to the United States, I’ve studied a lot about being a volunteer. The beginning is surely utilitarian, but as I learn more, I gradually feel myself being a part of it. I begin to wish myself could be helpful, searching for any chances to be a volunteer! I even delay my HK shopping for waiting the message from the volunteer organization! Fine, now cheap winter clothes are deviate from HK, and friends have all returned with my gifts, and I’ve heard nothing from that organization!!! Anyway, I’m going to HK the next days after the family trip… Upset!? A little bit. But I don’t regret. Well, my attitude has really changed! ~